Hedonic Treadmill
I have always considered myself stuck in two worlds: the sheep and the non-sheep. A walking contradiction. I fully identify with the anti-mainstream. Seek it out, in fact. In college, I loved the Grateful Dead and would watch the parking lot scene longing for the simplicity of the scene while attending business school, learning about how to invest in derivative strategies and diversify risk. After graduation, I had no immediate interest in utilizing my education (much to my parent’s dismay - sorry dad but it all worked out) and spent almost two years in the mountains of Colorado. Waiting tables. By the way, I was a horrible server and found it to be one of the most difficult jobs of my life but that’s a story for another time. What I do remember vividly from this time is that it was my first taste of the slow life. And I loved it. Snowboarding, the outdoors, and friend time were my main goals. I did not need much and imagine that my wardrobe mimicked something like a capsule before it was en vogue to do so. I played. A lot. All of my friends were also recent college graduates who just weren’t ready for prime time. Or maybe we were but our goals were of a different kind. A slower existence where we got over 100 days on the mountain each season and appreciated nature. Thankfully, when I finally decided to put that education to use, I was in Colorado where people don’t frown on this sort of thing. A gap year++, we would call it today. Fast forward to graduate school - two advanced degrees, marriage, a long and steady career in real estate investments, and two children later. I lost the simplicity along the way. Material possessions grew. I worked like hell out of fear of failure. Of missing out. The hedonic treadmill called me.
For those of you who haven’t heard the term, hedonic adaptation was coined by psychologists, Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell in their 1971 paper, “Hedonic Relativism and Planning the Good Society.” They wrote, “The nature of [adaptation] condemns men to live on a hedonic treadmill” and “to seek new levels of stimulation merely to maintain old levels of subjective pleasure, to never achieve any kind of permanent happiness or satisfaction.” Arthur Brooks visited the topic in the March 2022 cover story for The Atlantic magazine, “How To Want Less.” He contends that, “the secret to satisfaction has nothing to do with achievement, money, or stuff.” Arthur describes how he wrote a list of the things he hoped to accomplish in his life. After finding that list a mere 8 years later, he realized that he had achieved everything on it, and yet, no long lasting satisfaction was apparent. How cruel really, that our brains work in such a way to constantly reset to our current state of mind, to our success level, number of possessions, etc. It takes an active engagement to combat this reality. Many of us devote our lives to being successful and often equate that success to earning more and more money.
I think back to where I was just five years ago and how I wanted everything that I have now. And now, am I truly happy? Sometimes. But this I can tell you - instead of being insanely grateful for all that I have, I want more still. How much time with my children have I missed to achieve the ‘greatness’ in my work that continues to elude me? More than I care to dwell on, my friends. And more than I care to carry through to the next ~10 years that I am lucky enough to have them with us in our home.
Keep in mind that this tendency evolved within us as a survival technique, for sure. We needed to keep striving to stay alive and to create more opportunities for our offspring. Now, we have perverted this desire. Many of us have more than we could ever need and are not under flight or fight threat like once were but the coding embedded deep in our brains remains.
What is the answer? How do we combat this innate tendency to always want more? Quite simply, to actively reduce your desires. To hone the wants and align each with your values. To simplify. Arthur Brooks explains it like this, “In truth, our formula, Satisfaction = getting what you want, leaves out one key component. To be more accurate, it should be: Satisfaction = what you have / what you want.” In that case, it follows that if you reduce the denominator, satisfaction will automatically increase. Basic math. Voilà! Easier said than done but let’s give it a try. Everyday. How wonderful to focus on what I have and not what I want. To be content with today. And when I add to the denominator, to make sure there is room for it without compromising my values.
For me, this is a slow process. An exploration.
How can I share rather than accumulate?
How can I support my family and their goals?
How can I align my work with my values?
How can I have more fun?
When the kids were little, we created a mantra for our family. A few years back, we took the TV out of the main room and replaced it with our family creation exemplifying the mantra. A constant reminder of what is important to us. Turns out, this mantra embodies slow living. More of this in the world, please.
Big Love
Have Fun
Be Kind
